


Home sick?

by annie_whobug



Series: Danny's anger. [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 18:23:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18474538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annie_whobug/pseuds/annie_whobug
Summary: Hawaii was where he lived, but what was his home, who was his home?





	Home sick?

**Author's Note:**

> In which Danny gets kind of home sick and Steve gets the brunt of it.

This was not a good day. Danny had decided that the moment he woke up. The sun was peaking through the blinds and illuminating the bedroom in a dark orange hue, somehow the light had missed his face and instead highlighted the empty space next to his head. Danny already knew that Steven would be up, probably had his morning swim by now and would soon be in the shower washing away the salt from his pores. The temperature of Hawaii today was one of Danny’s favourites, not so hot that he was melting in his suit but just warm enough that he won’t complain about it for the rest of the day. Grace was coming over later and so was Charlie, they hadn’t made any plans but one of their most treasured things to do was to just sit on the beach with a plate of shrimp watching the sky turn pink and purple, seeing the last few surfers of the day wringing what they can out of the fading daylight. Smelling the ocean air that Danny had come to associate with Steve and more and more with home. He could even smell eggs and bacon being cooked downstairs and the enticing aroma of coffee being brewed, so yes, this was a bad day because for the first time in the 4 years that Danny had been waking up on this rock that he didn’t miss New Jersey. He didn’t miss the loudness of the city waking up around him, the smell of bagels being sold on the street corner and the way that he used to chase the sun between the skyscrapers. He’d never told Steve how much he used to love following the sun around the city, stealing rays wherever he could. He would never admit how much sitting in the sun soothed him when he first came to Hawaii, not because of the warmth of the rays but because it reminded him so much of home. Now he’s once again appreciating the warmth but not yearning to be in New Jersey, he’s not dreaming of a Jersey slice, he’s just content where he is. So yes, today is not a good day because the moment Danny becomes content, something goes wrong, something always goes wrong. 

When Danny had first moved in with Rachel he would wake up everyday thinking about home, with his Ma and his Pa, the smell of red sauce on the stove simmering for hours. It would fill the house with an aroma of fresh spices and herbs, Danny’s favourite would always be basil. His mother would grow it on the window sill in the kitchen. Danny had never seen her ever water or maintain that plant but without fail it would produce these huge leaves that were a stunning shade of green, Danny would walk past the plant every morning and steal a leaf to chew before he left the house. His Ma always managed to catch him, “that belongs in my red sauce Daniel Williams,” she would shout as he ran out the house. Guilty as ever. He would miss the way his father would always make sure that Danny knew he was okay, that he’d survived another day. He would come into his room at 06:00 almost every day, kiss his forehead and leave again. Danny never told his Pa how much that had meant to him. Maybe he would tell him one day. He missed his sisters teasing him and he missed his baby brother following him around like a puppy. He missed the noise, the way his house was always alive. Then Grace came along and he missed home less but he still woke up thinking about them, thinking about his beloved family home. Until the day that he didn’t. He had woken up and he was happy, his baby was 5 years old and he was happy. Danny had gotten up and he had made breakfast, pancakes that he had worked very hard on for his precious angel who had specified that they not be burnt this time Danno. So he hadn’t burnt them, he had made them perfectly. Something else to add to his happy list. He had left his wife sleeping upstairs and gotten up when Grace came bounding into the bedroom. He didn’t mind, after all he was happy. Grace had requested syrup on her pancakes so Danny had turned around to arrange that and when he turned back Rachel was standing in the threshold of the kitchen. Fully dressed with a suitcase in her hand. Penny drop. This was Danny’s fault, he should’ve seen it coming, he shouldn’t have become happy. If he hadn’t then she would’ve stayed, she wouldn’t have left him. They would still be a family. Danny had promised himself that he wouldn’t ever become that happy again, he couldn’t put himself in that kind of jeopardy again. His heart wouldn’t be able to adjust, he would break.

He got up and tried to force himself to remember Jersey. He made sure the shower was only luke warm because in his apartment in Jersey his shower struggled to go past tepid during his morning shower. Danny managed about 30 seconds before he increased the temperature. He had grown too accustomed to warm showers. He kicked himself mentally, “you don’t deserve warm showers,” he said to himself angrily. Once his shower was finished, he searched through his clothes trying to find what he called his ‘Jersey suit.’ It was a grey shirt and black slacks. What made it his Jersey suit was that it was the shirt he wore on his first day as a detective. His mother had brought and tailored it for him. It always reminded him of Jersey. But he couldn’t find it. He looked everywhere in his and Stevens shared wardrobe, pulling out clothes and slamming draws until Steven walked in. “I would say good morning but something tells me it’s not for you,” Steve teased Danny, “thank you Steven for recognising my mood and ignoring it anyway,” Danny continued rummaging through draws and walked over to Steve’s draw when he placed his hand on Danny’s, “that’s my draw Danny,” Steve said softly. The blonde stared at the hand on his hand, “I know I’m looking for something,” Danny said quickly, “well I don’t think you’ll find it in my sock draw,” Steve replies but something was off. There was quiver in his voice, as if whatever was in that draw was not something he wanted Danny to see, “why so defensive Steven? Something to hide?” Danny could feel himself panicking. Could see it happening again, he had gotten happy, this was his fault, again. Steve shuffled on the spot looking around like he had never seen the interior of his room before, “nothing Danny I just think you’re efforts would be better placed elsewhere,” Danny was not convinced, “you don’t even know what I’m looking for,” that feeling in his gut was back, the sick one that he had when Rachel had stood there not saying anything. But Danny had known and he knew now, “Steve are you cheating on me?” Danny had forced the words out of his mouth but they were vile, they made him want to die on the spot, to fade into the background. Steve had this look of horror on his face, that he couldn’t believe that was what Danny had thought about why he was protecting the draw, it was awful, “god Danno, no I would never,” Steve pleaded reaching out to Danny but Danny shoved him off, “it wouldn’t be the first time someone hid it from me Steve it’s fine but I would like to know,” Danny somehow managed to sound nonchalant. As if Steve cheating on him wouldn’t single handedly be the worst thing that had ever happened to him, as if his world wasn’t crumbling around him and the walls were closing in. Steve still looked full of horror. He couldn’t believe that Danny wouldn’t had made obvious connections to something hidden in a sock draw. But Danny was still so damaged, he couldn’t tell Steve how much being cheated on psychologically damaged him, how much it damaged his self-worth- but here Steve was seeing it first hand. He didn’t deserve this.

Steve pulled open the draw and rummaged around it until his hand came back out clutching and a small black velvet box. Danny held his breath, “it’s an engagement ring Daniel,” he still didn’t release his breath, “for you,” and release. He didn’t know what to say. Danny was genuinely shocked and speechless. He had never considered that maybe Steve was hiding something good from him, maybe Steve was just as happy as he was, “Steve I’m so sorry,” Danny spoke so quickly that he fumbled over his words. He’d ruined Steve’s surprise, “Daniel you’re so quick to think that you’re not worth it but you are,” Steve reaches out to touch Danny’s hand, to which he didn’t pull away this time, “but I ruined it for you,” Danny all of sudden looked so small and so sorry that Steve couldn’t take it. He pulled Danny in and hugged him holding him close, “Danny it would’ve been nice to see the shock on your face but it’s okay, I just need you to know that you haven’t actually said yes or no yet,” Danny laughed at him, “well Steven you haven’t actually proposed yet,” Danny looked up at Steve and he realised that he hadn’t. And that wasn’t right. Steve pulled away from Danny, crouched down onto one knee and said, “Daniel Williams would you do me the honour of spending the rest your life with me?” Steve’s face was bright and so happy and so full of hope that Danny could see it. He could see the rest of his life, waking up every morning with the light peaking through the blinds, the rays settling on Steven and highlighting every part of him. The house smelling like freshly brewed coffee and the salt of the ocean wafting through the open windows. Never having to chase the sun. Never having to worry about if he’s aloud to be happy, because he is, he is happy. Danny reaches out to hold Steve’s hand, “of course I will,” Steve’s smile grew even bigger than before, he stood up and slide the ring onto his finger. Danny pulled him into an embrace, “I was looking for a shirt,” Danny laughed and Steve frowned, “when you came into the room, I was looking for this stupid shirt that my Ma got me but I can’t find it,” Steve was still confused and waiting for an explanation, “I needed something that reminded me of home because I woke up feeling like I didn’t miss it anymore. It was the first time I woke up not missing home, the last time I did that Rachel left me on the exact same day. I didn’t want that to happen again,” Danny rubbed the back of his neck, “so I was looking for this god damn shirt because my Ma got it for me the first day I became a detective, it reminds me of home but I couldn’t find it and then you were being secretive and I guess I just lost it,” Danny tried to shrug it off like it wasn’t a big deal but he could see that Steve thought it was a big deal. Steve has this look on his face that said, you don’t deserve what you think about yourself, you’re worth so much more than what you think. Steve kissed Danny’s forehead, “Danny you love so fully and with your whole self, you deserve to be happy and I just hope that you can be happy with me,” Steve said through damp eyes. No one had ever said that to Danny, that he deserves happiness and that someone wanted to give it to him, Danny nodded because he couldn’t say anything. He was overwhelmed with happiness that he couldn’t say anything because if he opened his mouth it might all come out. Everything he had ever felt, every piece of happiness he had ever felt would come spilling out and he would never stop talking. Steve was Danny’s happiness and he could accept that he deserved it, that this was his. This happiness was his.


End file.
